The Scarf
by Quicquidlibet
Summary: The Ministry has passed a Marriage Law and Luna isn't really surprised at the turn-out. Pairings: Ron/Pansy, Draco/Luna, Harry/Neville, Ginny/Oliver, Hermione/Parvati, Blaise/Theo, Fred/George, Past-Draco/Ginny, Past-Ron/Hermione, implied Past-Percy/Oliver, implied Past-Harry/Ron. Not to be taken seriously. At all. AT ALL. Marriage Law fic, sort of parody.


If you were to ask Draco Malfoy when he first got over his rivalry with Ron Weasley, he'd probably say the day he broke up with Ginny Weasley, or the day the Marriage Law was passed.

If you were to ask Ron when he first got over his rivalry with Draco, he'd probably say the day Ginny was found to be cheating on Draco with Oliver Wood, or the day the Marriage Law was passed.

So, basically, they'd both say Harry Potter's wedding day. Or the day the Marriage Law was passed.

* * *

The wedding wasn't traditional in any way whatsoever. No one was walking down the aisle, no one was playing the bridal march, and no one was kissing the bride.

Because, you see, Harry refused to be called a bride, as did Neville. Therefore, there was no bride. Just two grooms.

So, instead of waiting for a bride, they were waiting for the Ministry official who was to marry them.

And waiting.

And waiting.

"Harry." He turned to see Ron standing behind him, face grave. "We have a problem."

"What is it?" Harry sighed. He should have known this would happen.

"Percy keeps trying to hex Oliver. Charlie had to lock him in the bathroom," Ron explained with a roll of his eyes. "The twins _are_ hexing him, and Bill is trying to find Malfoy."

"Do I want to know why?" he inquired with caution.

"He caught Oliver kissing Ginny."

* * *

Draco leaned back in his seat, scowling. He couldn't exactly begrudge Longbottom and Potter for continuing their celebrations, it _was_ their wedding, after all. But he still didn't want join in the festivities. He just wanted to sulk.

Ginny had cheated on him. On _him._ He was Draco Malfoy! Who in their right mind chooses Oliver Wood over him?

He scowled some more, finishing his drink off with a gulp. Pansy had been sitting with him for a bit, keeping him company and letting him insult his now ex-girlfriend to his heart's content, but then she had gone off to dance with her boyfriend. He could see her now, Weasley (Ron, he reminded himself, because it gets confusing as to who he's referring to with only surnames) cracking some joke that managed to make her laugh for once, instead of hitting him.

"Hello." He looked up at the airy voice, to see Luna Lovegood standing by the chair next to him. "Would you like some company to help keep the wrackspurts away?"

"Sure?" What a wrackspurt was, he had no idea, but he wasn't about to turn down his only chance of conversation.

Luna smiled and settled into the chair. "The wrackspurts are making you sad, aren't they?"

He scoffed. "I'm not _sad."_

"Ginny only cheats because of the nargles."

He stared at her.

"Or maybe she's just one for adultery. We'll never know, because Scarfy never sorted her."

He shouldn't ask, he knew, he really shouldn't, but something about Luna just made it impossible not to. "Scarfy?"

She didn't do anything but smile.

* * *

The law was passed later that day. Draco was exempt, because it turned out he really did have an arranged marriage to Pansy. Who knew she wasn't making it up? He didn't, that's for sure. Not that they _wanted_ to marry each other, but the damn Ministry had declared that any engagement set in place before the law passed couldn't be undone, just like the pairs they assigned to single witches and wizards.

Anyway, this law was why Weasley ended up at the door to his flat that night, asking for his help.

Which, thinking about it now, was pretty much the entire reason he was Polyjuiced as Weasley, on a date with Luna Lovegood, in a random cafe that she picked out, surrounded by silencing charms, while the real Weasley was busy having his brother in the Ministry (Percy, wasn't it? Oh, who really cares?) marry him and Pansy.

Which meant Draco would eventually have to marry Luna, to appease the Ministry, now that Weasley wasn't. _'Oh, don't worry Minister. We're still getting married like you want us to, we just traded our assigned fiances.'_ Yeah. That'll keep them from getting arrested. Definitely.

"There's an awful lot of gay couples eloping," he commented over his tea. "Granger and Patil, for example, and the Weasley twins. And Zabini and Nott. And I'm sure there are a bunch of others. Still, quite a bit."

"Yes. It's wonderful, isn't it?" she replied. "It looks as if Harry was the only one that Scarfy got wrong."

"...Alright, seriously, Scarfy?"

"The Scarf of Sexual Preferences."

"...And it got Potter wrong?"

"Yes. Scarfy said Harry was metrosexual, but clearly he's gay."

"Right... What did it say about Weasley?"

"Ron is bicurious."

"Not straight?"

"Oh, no. That's why he and Hermione broke up all those years ago. She found him kissing Harry."

And as Draco choked on his tea, he was nothing but grateful for the Polyjuice potion, because better people see Weasley doing something so undignified, rather than himself.

* * *

**For the Tranfiguration competition at the 4-B forum: /forum/The_Brave_The_Brains_The_Badgers_The_Blivious/111593/**

**Theme for the week of 7/23/2012: Marriage Law fics.**

**This fic may or may not be expanded. It depends on my mood.**


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